ECW - September 5, 2006 Happy Labor Day, everyone! I am having some problems coming up with anything witty or interesting to type before we get to my recap of tonight's show, so let's just dig right in.

• Unfortunately, ECW apparently isn't interested in getting right to business, as we have a recap of the Big Show -vs- DX feud. What's that? You didn't know there was a feud going on here? I didn't either, actually. But apparently there is, and it has brought Michaels and HHH to an ECW taping. I wonder what's in store with us?
• Ah, now we're on to a match. And we're gonna have RVD -vs Sabu? Awesome! Oh, no, wait, since RVD is joining Sabu as they point to thesky, I can only assume this means we're gonna have us some tag-team action. Ayup! And the opponents are.... Test and Mike Knox? Hmmm...
• Hey, remember how RVD was pissed at everyone, including Sabu, because he wanted a title shot? Well, apparently ECW doesn't remember that. And neither do Sabu nor RVD.
• Awesome little move, as RVD hits Rolling Thunder on Test while, at the same time, Sabu comes over the top and lands a legdrop on Test. Nice. As was a double spinning back heel kick to Knox.
• Sabu with a triple-jump press to take all four men off the ring apron through a table on the floor. Cool, but it took too long to set up. Somehow, some way, that was Knox's fault.
• Oh, before I forget, HOORAY for the contract extension on SciFi! We now know that ECW will be around until at least the end of next year. We can now stop worrying about when ECW will fold, and instead concentrate on making ECW the best it can be.
• Drop toe hold into the steel chair. OUCHIE! Sabu is insane.
• Van Dam skateboards the chair into Test! I don't think Test is used to these types of matches yet.
• Sabu with an Arabian Facebuster! Air Sabu! Triple-jump Moonsault! God, I love the push that Sabu is getting in the new ECW!
• RVD and Sabu going for stereo legdrops onto Knox through the table. But Sabu slipped when he went to jump, which slowed his jump down by about a half-second. That was long enough for RVD to put Knox through the table, and Sabu to whiff completely. Still, it was an awesome looking spot, and kudos for trying out something that innovative. Needless to say, RVD and Sabu get the pin. After the match, RVD and Sabu share some kind words with each other.
• No, seriously, RVD is supposed to be ticked at Sabu. Maybe next week?
• Ariel and Kevin Thorn are making out! And Ariel is licking her Tarot cards. Interesting..., well, not really. But Ariel has nice b00bies.
• Matt Striker! And he's wearing that hysterical short tie again.
• "Divots in the cultural landscape"?
• Striker actually asks for Sandman to come to the ring this week. Interesting. I thought that Striker would play the cowardly heel... Oh, there we go, Striker went running way through the crowd. Excellent, and good job by Joey to point out that Striker might just be playing more mind games with Sandman.
• Joey Styles is the luckiest man in the world, as he gets a Ariel literally right on his lap. Yummy! And for some reason, Ariel is wearing lingirie this week. Double-wow!
• Stevie Richards -vs- Balls Mahoney. Since Balls is apparently getting a push, I assume that this isn't going to go well for Stevie. Which is wrong, 'cuz Richards should get the win here.
• Interesting.... Ariel provides some distraction, allowing Thorn to nail Balls with Thorn's walking stick. Stevie with a roll-up, and the pin! Cool. I dunno about adding Thorn into this mix, but Stevie shoulda gotten the win.
• Luna Vachon! For some reason, she's talking in a falsetto this week. Oh, and there's CM Punk. Interesting. Punk calls Shannon Moore a poser, then slaps the taste right out of his mouth. This is a very weird match up. wtf?
• Ugh... poor Joey, he has to try and sound excited about DX being here on ECW. I think he knows this is crap. But Joey is a company man, and he does his job.
• Show's out first? wtf?
• Sheesh.... the ECW world title belt looks like a toy in Big Show's hands. He's a monster.
• Hey, Paul Heyman's out to the ring with his security squad. This is unexpected. Ah, he just called off the Extreme Rules stipulation for this match. I wonder if saying something like that makes Heyman die just a little on the inside...
• Extremists? wtf?
• Oh, this is easily going to be the shortest main event in the 14-week history of the new ECW. There's simply no time left in this episode.
• The crowd is chanting for DX? I just died a little on the inside...
• LOL! HHH tried to do the Hogan shirt rip thing, but couldn't rip his t-shirt all the way through. Then he couldn't take it off, either, so he ended up standing in the ring trapped in his t-shirt.
• Show is insane, taking DDTs perpendicular to the ring like he does. That looks dangerous when a small man does it. It's even more insane when a 500+ pound monster does it.
• The security squad gets involved, of course, including a double-riot-helmet-headbutt to HHH. I think we need to see who these guys are already.
• Uh-oh! My TiVo just ran out show! Tonight's show must've gone well over the time allotment. Damn! Lemme see if I can find out what happened afterwards...
• Oh, cool, TiVo failed to change the channel to record The Daily Show, so I have the end of the match. HHH is dead on the floor from the riot gear headbutt, so Show is all over Michaels. Show goes for a chokeslam, but there's Helmsly. HHH is a house afire, including a pretty impressive spinebuster on the Show!
• Holy crap! Shawn Michaels just did a flying splash out of the ring onto the floor to take out the security squad!
• Bob Holly in, for some reason, to cause the DQ. And now DX get their asses kicked by the combination of Show, Holly and the security squad. Until HHH finds his sledgehammer, however. Holly and Show bail, the security squad get killed (almost literally, as HHH destroys one of the squad with a wicked sledgehammer swing to the riot squad helmet.
• We finish off the show with DX posing in the ring. Because nothing says ECW like Michaels and HHH?
• WTF?

Seriously, what the fuck? Compared to the last few weeks of the new ECW, this episode was a major let down. This was far too centered on DX and the upcoming pay-per-view. And that's just wrong.  ¶ 9:01 PM