The end.... You know, I've been sticking around with the new ECW since its inception. I've been watching each episode, hoping that a little of the magic of the original ECW would shine through. And for a few weeks, that is what happened. For a while, we got to see something good, even if it was only 5 minutes out of each episode. But slowly, inexorably, those sparks got smashed out. ECW has been fully converted over to Just Another WWE "Brand." The departure of Paul Heyman (which is still hard to believe) is a physical manifestation of the de-ballsing of ECW. And according to Good Ol' J.R.'s blog, it's only going to get worse. Jim Ross himself said that fans of the old ECW are not going to be happy with the direction the new ECW is heading in.

All signs point to ECW going from bad to worse. All signs point to me being a fool for sticking around, hoping that ECW is going to get better. And so, I'm not gonna.

I QUIT!

I am done with ECW. And I think I am done with pro wrestling, too. The bits of pro wrestling that I personally find entertaining are gone. In their place are these moronic "entertainment" personalities (e.g. John Cena) and storylines (Kevin Federline?). This is not entertainment, it is CRAP! And quite frankly, it's just not worth my time to sit through this crap anymore.

So this is the end. For now, for certain. In the future? Who can say?
- Biffster  ¶ 11:37 AM 0 comments

  ECW - November 28, 2006 Ah, I'm all caught up again, and ready to get back to work recapping ECW on SciFi. Aside from a pretty awesome Hardy Boyz reunion/squash of the F.B.I., last week's episode was rather dull. It doesn't help that Bob Holly is in the main event. But what made things worse is that there was no doubt how the main event would end. There's no way that Rob Van Dam wasn't going to be in the Elimination Chamber, so there was no way that Holly was going to win the match. So why feature a match in the main event when every fan there knew what was coming?

Also amazing to me is the fact that we have a PPV coming up in a few days. A PPV featuring the Elimination Chamber and.... ummm.... Well, not much else. This is the wrestling equivalent of Phase 2. If there had been any thought to trying to build up an undercard, it could've been done. But no one on the ECW creative team seems to care much about consistency nor future storylines. Everything is about the main event, and there's nothing about anything else. I mean, seriously, what could you even do at this point? About the only feuds that were built up were CM Punk and Knox (can't do that since Punk is in the Elimination Chamber) and between Test and the ECW Originals (can't do that since Test is in the Elimination chamber). I reckon we'll have a Balls Mahoney -vs- Kevin Thorn match (yay?), but aside from that...

And of course there's the Elimination Chamber itself. From where I sit, you can immediately rule out Test, CM Punk and Sabu coming out of this with the title. Test and Punk I agree with; Sabu I think should be crowned champ. But if they were gonna put the title on him, they would've earlier this year. And they wouldn't be pushing RVD so hard the last few weeks. I think it is also safe to say that The Big Show isn't gonna retain the title here, too. Show can obviously use a little time off, and losing the title here isn't going to hurt him any at all.

So that leaves us with Bobby Lashley and Rob Van Dam as the only two realistic winners of the match. Now normally, I would've already called this match for RVD. Right up until Lashley joined the roster, I was certain that RVD would be getting the belt back at December to Dismember. Now, I am not so certain. Not because putting the belt on Lashley would be a good thing to do. Precisely the opposite: it's such a bad idea that I can see the current braintrust (such as it is) thinking, hey, yeah, this'll shock them all. And he's a WWE guy, too!

I'm hoping that no one is that stupid, and that we see what everyone's paying their money for: RVD reclaims the ECW World Championship.

But maybe we should see what happens on tonight's show:

• Cold open, as Paul Heyman is already in the ring to tell us his name and discuss current events. Heyman explains the rules of the Chamber (as far as I can tell, the only difference for the Extreme version is that everyone in the pods get to have a weapon with them). Oh, we get introduced to the weapons, via the Basham squad: a chair, a crowbar, a table, and a barb wire baseball bat. [Funny moment: a Basham throws the table down on the mat pretty close to Heyman: Heyman stops talking and gives him a "what the fuck?" look.] And.... that was the segment? WTF?
• RVD and Sabu are out, apparently we're gonna have a tag-team match tonight? Oh, no, we're getting an RVD -vs- Sabu match tonight. That's unexpected!
• Sabu and RVD are having a hard time getting on the same page to start out the match. Things were so bad, Sabu whiffed on an attempted hurricarana, crashing to the mat in a pile. RVD covered for him, and moved straight into the planned spot: a collision as Sabu tried for a springboard kick and Sabu tried to come off the ropes with a kick. And we head to commercial break!
• RVD and Sabu didn't get back on track, though. RVD tries a suplex out of the ring, which Sabu blocks. Sabu was supposed to hit that wicked cool sunset flip powerbomb over the top rope out to the floor. But Sabu didn't hold on, and instead went crashing to the floor in another heap. Ouchie! RVD with a moonsault-style kick from the apron to the ring floor (maybe the powerbomb spot was planned)? Into the ring, RVD misses a legdrop over the top rope, allowing Sabu a sitting dropkick. RVD with a wicked head-first German suplex for 2. Sabu bleeding profusely from the mouth. Sabu with a triple-jump guillotine legdrop, but then misses a legdrop over the top rope. RVD with Rolling Thunder! Sabu with a number of springboard moves, cover only gets 2. Sabu with a springboard tornado DDT attempt, but RVD saw it coming and plants Sabu. RVD up to the top rope, Five Star Frogsplash! That'll do it; RVD gets a clean pin over Sabu. Foreshadowing?
• Hey, The Hardys are still here in ECW! And apparently they are not Boyz anymore, but are just Hardys. Or Team Extreme. No matter what, it's cool to have the Hardys around. They could've fit into any iteration of ECW. Now MNM, on the other hand... At least that makes another match for the PPV.
• Team Xtreme is taking on Elijah Burke and Sylvester Terkay. I'm not really recapping this, because I expect this to be a squash. And it basically was just that. Poetry In Motion leads to a Swanton Bomb for the pin. And here's MNM! And as much as Melina does belong in ECW, Nitro and Mercury just don't fit in.
• Oh, I guess I should've paid attention more at the start of the show. Apparently, the participants in the elimination chamber are being paired up for matches tonight. Hence RVD -vs- Sabu, and our next match, CM Punk -vs- Test. Are we gonna get another clean finish? So far, we've had nothing but. And I think that's all we got on last week's show, too. Clean finishes will definitely make me happy.
• Speaking of which, Punk and Test are up. Test controls most of the match with his strength and power moves, but Punk is able to use his speed to gain control. But did you really need me to type that? That's the standard story for a big man/little man match, ya know? Ah, crap, Test and Punk brawl into the crowd and they both get counted out. So much for a clean finish!
• Our main event actually has the champ in it this week! On the way to the ring, Heyman demands to know why Show is risking the investment that Heyman has made in him. Show doesn't answer; Heyman says, "At least let me go with you!" Hmmm... Heyman is sounding close to the way he sounded when he turned heel against RVD. Foreshadowing?
• Not much is gonna happen here, I think. Especially since there's only like 3 minutes 'til the "scheduled" end of the show. Power -vs- power, and Show ends up with the advantage. But Lashley actually superplexes Show off the second rope! Lashley takes Show down with a spear! Lashley covers, but the Bashams are here to prevent the win. Test is out, too, and Lashley's getting destroyed from all angles. Chokeslam from Show puts an exclamation point on the beatdown. Oh, Show decides to cement the deal with a cobra clutch slam, then a belt shot to the head. Show actually covers Lashley and Heyman counts to three. I don't think that's gonna make this count as a clean finish, guys!
• Once nice touch here: No one came to save Lashley. Bobby's still brand new to ECW; he shouldn't have (m)any friends right now.
• We're out with the Show holding the ECW World Championship up high. Hopefully for the last time.

Catch y'all next week!  ¶ 11:45 PM 0 comments

  ECW catchup - November 21, 2006 Okay, let's see how quickly I can get caught up on ECW! So there's no time for idle banter here. That'll come in my next recap. :)

• Bobby Lashley in ECW? WTF?
• Hardy Boyz in ECW? Actually, that makes a lot of sense. The Hardyz would fit in to any iteration of ECW.
• A tag-team match we can care about? Seriously? Awesome! I would've given Team XTreme -vs- the F.B.I. a whole hell of a lot more time than they did, but I'll just be happy that they're showing this match at all. Hardyz with the win, of course.
• Hey, Rob Van Dam is kicking his own hands. Ouchie! And here's Paul Heyman, who wants to add some drama to tonight's grudge match between RVD and Bob Holly. If RVD loses, Holly gets RVD's spot in the elimination chamber match.
• Hey, there's Arial's b00bs! And there's Arial. Which means Kevin Thorn is gonna be around somewhere, too. Oh, yeah, there he is. They take on CM Punk, and Thorn actually keeps control of the match almost all the way to the end. Kelly Kelly comes out to cheer on Punk, though, and that gives Punk enough something or other to get fired up and win the match. After the match, Arial and Thorn get in some shots, but Punk and Kelly rally and clear the ring. Mike Knox watches Kelly and Punk hugging in the ring, and Knox does not look very happy about it.
• The Champ Is Here! The Big Show comes down to the ring to proclaim his greatness. Nice back-and-forth between the fans and the Show. Fans chant "What?" Show first says, "Do you all have problems with your hearing?" When the fans keep chanting "What?" Show follows up with "Leave it to Nassau to be five years behind."
• Oh, shows jawing was an excuse to get Lashley out for a staredown. Show takes Lashley down with a wicked right, but misses with a belt shot. Lashley with his own right, then he connects with a belt shot! Show out of the ring, and he's pissed. Show wants to go, but Heyman says "not tonight."
• Main event time? And it's under Extreme Rules! Well, on the one hand, it's good that this match won't end on a DQ. On the other hand, I was hoping that we had seen the end of matches labelled "Extreme Rules" and would just see matches called the old ECW way. But whatever.
• Hey, commercials again?
• RVD and Holly have been working together for a while now, and they are getting fairly well on together in matches. So even though we have Holly in the main event here, it isn't horrible. RVD carries the match, of course, and we work in some wicked chair spots, including a wicked sorta-Pillmanization of RVD's head.
• Wanna know the problem with allowing Bob Holly to control a huge part of the main event match? It kills the crowd. After drowsing off to sleep, not even an RVD rally could perk them up. Not even RVD holding up the chair for a skateboard can get the crowd back into things. But someone starts up a "TNA! TNA! TNA!" chant, and that does get the fans into it. I wouldn't have expected that.
• Oh, I almost missed the end of this match! RVD sets a chair up on Holly's carcass, then hits a Five Star Frogsplash to get the win. RVD is one step closer to getting his title back.

  ¶ 9:02 PM 0 comments

  ECW - November 14, 2006 Holy crap, I can't believe that it is already the middle of November. This month is flying by; hell, so is this year. And also quickly flying by is any interest that I might have in wrestling in general, and ECW in particular. Whether this is caused by a dip in the quality of the product or a change in my personal tastes, I don't know. But really, I don't care. The fact of the matter is that wrestling is becoming less and less entertaining for me. And considering that I am one of the core wrestling audience - one who sticks by and watches the product no matter how bad it gets - that is saying something. Maybe I am truly getting too old for this; wrestling is mainly geared for the 18-35 year old age group. Maybe it's just that, after years and years putting crap on the tv screen, it is possible to drive away the core audience. Whatever it is, I think that the WWE needs to pay attention. Unless they decide that sub-3.0 ratings are pretty darned good after all.

I was trying to decide whether it was this blase feeling I have towards the show in general that led me to dislike the Mike Knox -vs- CM Punk match from last week's episode of ECW. On paper, I shoulda been digging it. Punk won cleanly. And Knox was exposed as the no-talent hack that he is. Those are good things, right? But I was still down on the match in general. Whyso?

One of the trademarks of the original ECW was the idea that everyone was willing to do anything to make their opponent look good. It was an unselfish way to make sure that everyone helped everyone else out. Sorta the "a rising tide raises all ships" philosophy. And as a dyed-in-the-wool Democrat, I am totally down with that. In the original ECW's case, this meant that when one person looked good, everyone else would look good too. A perfect example of this is Tommy Dreamer. As Dreamer worked his ass off to make his opponents look like a million dollars, he ended up looking like one tough badass in the fans eyes. This led to the Innovator of Violence gimmick which served Tommy well throughout the final run of ECW.

So isn't that what happened when Punk went over Knox cleanly? I am pretty sure that is what they were going for; trying to make Knox look better by having him lose to the very legit-looking CM Punk. But it seemed wrong to me, somehow. Mostly how quickly the match ended, how easy Punk's victory ended up being. It seemed too much, too fast, too quickly. A rising tide is slow and steady; a tide that rises too fast and too quickly is no longer a tide, but a flood, which can cause drastic damage. And that is what could've happened here. There's nothing to gain if Knox is jobbed out too quickly. He will just end up seeming overrated, someone who shouldn't have been in the ring with Punk to begin with. Punk doesn't get any elevation, and Knox doesn't get any rub. In the end, we end up with a match with a foregone conclusion that only exists to get Punk into the Elimination Chamber.

Or maybe I'm overanalyzing things again. I'm old; I'm prone to do such things. :)

Let's get to this week's show!

• Recap of last week's show is up. Oh, and my Comcast DVR was nice enough to put up an almost-full-screen-sized message warning that it is out of recording space. Instead of making a smaller warning message, or having the warning go away after XX seconds, it is leaving that message stay on the screen. Obscuring most of the screen. This is NOT a good omen for tonight's show.


• Filling in for Taz on color commentary this week is Elijah Burke. Apparently, the "E" in ECW now stands for Elijah Burke Productions. That's cool.


• Friggin' Comcast! I swear, they can't do a single fucking thing right. Now my screen went completely dark. [sigh] Officially the Wost PVR ever. My TiVo did pick up the audio from the show; if only Comcast's PVR were running software a tenth as well written as TiVo's.


• There was apparently a desk set up in the ring for Paul Heyman. Heyman informs the crowd that Rob Van Dam didn't make the trip to the UK. Trigger a massive RVD chant. The ECW Champion Big Show IS here, however. For some reason, the crowd isn't down with that. Paul tells us we are about to find out who #6 in the Elimination Chamber will be. Bob Holly is heading down to the ring, but Bobby Lashley comes in from out of nowhere and puts a beatdown on Holly. Apparently. I can't see crap.

Ah, to hell with this. I'm not recapping a show I can't even see! 'til next week!  ¶ 8:13 PM 0 comments

  ECW - November 6, 2006 I am going to be short and to the point this week. I am actually watching election returns on picture-in-picture, and may be switching back and forth during my recap. So far, things have gone very well tonight. The Democratic party has taken control of the House of Representatives, and here in Colorado, Bill Ritter has been elected Governor. Unfortunately, we've also seen a horrible bill "defining" marriage as a union between a man and a woman passed. Just as bad, a bill legalizing civil unions was defeated. I dunno what to say, other than: Damn!

Is there wrestling stuff going on? Guess it depends on how you define that. There was some kind of Pay-Per-View on Sunday, but it really didn't amount to much, nor were there any ECW storylines set up. And, for some ungodly reason, Kevin Federline was involved. Add that all up, and you get one big, stinkin' pile of something or other. It really makes me grump just to think about it. So I'll stop, and move on to tonight's show.

• And we start off by recapping the Bob Holly saga, which segues nicely into RVD's beatdown and Heyman's gorilla suit from last week. No, it wasn't that good then, either. Oh, well. maybe this is leading off as a way to give us hope that this week has to be better.
• CM Punk is in the ring, and it still surprises me every week how big a reaction he gets. The crowd may not know exactly what they're supposed to get from ECW, but they know that they likes the Punkster. And they also know that they don't like Mike Knox sending Kelly Kelly away from the ring.
• Hey, wait a minute, I just realized something: we're seeing Knox -vs- Punk. I thought that this match would've been saved for the PPV. Someone must really want Punk in the Elimination Chamber.
• Knox doesn't know how to deal with someone as fast as Punk, and ends up being tossed around the ring for the first minute or two of the match. Knox doesn't regain control until he is able to yank Punk off the top rope. Knox with a whole bunch of big, not-very-talented big-man offense. Punk speeds his way out of it and starts to hit his series of moves, but Knox has that scouted and takes Punk out with a... oh, let's say reverse neckbreaker? Knox with control for a bit, but then makes the mistake of putting Punk up on the top rope. Flying press from Punk gets two, then the spinning backhands, series of kicks, Uranage and Anaconda Vice for the submission. Again, kudos for a clean victory, but Punk might think about mixing up his Five Moves of Doom.
• What's-her-name, the chick who always sounds like she's been toking some hash - introduces two more new ECW stars, Elijah Burke and Sylvan Turkay (don't bother correcting me on the name; I really couldn't care what the dude's name really is). My question is: who gives a crap? There's a bunch of ECW stars sitting on the bench, but we get these WWE rejects? Fuck me, dude.
• Oh, here's Paul Heyman! He announces our main event tonight: RVD and Bob Holly -vs- Big Show and ... Paul Heyman? I didn't expect that! I always like to be surprised by a show; this is shaping up nicely. Paul has one more announcement: the sixth spot in the Elimination Chamber will be up for anyone who wants it, be they from ECW, Raw or Smackdown. Eh.
• Hey, the F.B.I.! Well, Little Guido, anyway. Okay, I am officially happy with this episode. And that lasted for about 15 seconds, 'cuz the Great Kahli is on its way out to the ring. Daiviari is on the mic, and what's cooler than having him come down to the ring cutting a promo in a language that no one in the arena understands?
• Daivari tries to sucker-punch Guido, but Guido had that scouted. Doesn't matter, though; Daivari takes control rather easily. And then serves up a heapin' helpin' of SQUASH! Hmmm.... is it better for Guido to be on the show but be squashed, or not to be on the show at all?
• I wonder if Joey Styles or Taz cry a little inside when they have to say the word "Extremist?"
• Coming up next: Dreamer -vs- Test. And I've gotta already call this match for Test. Dreamer wouldn't really allow himself to be put over in this match, would he? Unless we're about to see a run-in, say by Bob Holly?
• I wonder if Joey Styles or Taz cry a little inside when they have to find something nice to say about The Marine?
• Test comes out trying to look angry, but not quite getting it. Tommy Dreamer comes out and shows him how it is done. Dreamer needs to be on my TV more often. I know that he has other responsibilities, and probably should take it easy on his body. But he is so good at what he does! Dreamer personifies ECW more than anyone else on the roster, including RVD and - in his current on-screen character - Paul Heyman.
• Dreamer does what he does best: makes Test look like a million dollars. Test going for a pump-handle slam, Dreamer sneaks out the back door and hits a neckbreaker! Dreamer with a 'bomb! Dreamer going for a DDT, but Test gets the ropes, then hits a low blow. Kick to the face, and then the swinging neckbreaker to get the pin for Test.
• Kudos to Tommy for once again putting Test over. 'Drew owes Tommy dinner or something for this one!
• So the lineup for the Elimination Chamber is: Show -vs- RVD -vs- Sabu -vs- Punk -vs- Test -vs- ??? I'm afraid to see who's gonna make the jump from Raw/Smackdown for the last spot. I somehow doubt it'd be someone who will fit in (say, Chavo Guerrero or Super Crazy).
• Main event time! Show jawing with Rob Van Dam ("You'll never be champion!"), so RVD just slaps him one. Back and forth until RVD makes his way to the corner and grabs Heyman by the throat! That's enough distraction for Show to take advantage of, though. Interesting idea for this match, but it means that an injured Show has to try to carry the match. Is that the best way to go?
• And the answer is, of course, no. Boring match, as Show can't do much but lumber around the ring, and RVD has to play face-in-peril. Heyman gives a pep talk to show, but it doesn't speed him up very much. Paul relishes a "Heyman sucks!" chant, then slaps the crap out of RVD while Show holds onto him. Show tries a splash in the corner, but RVD moves! Show crotches himself on the top rope! Show goes for a chokeslam, but RVD counters into a DDT.
• Tag to Bob Holly, who then proceeds to beat the crap out of RVD! Now that was pretty cool! I just wish it had happened about 5 minutes ago. Alabama Slam on a steel chair by Holly! Big Show with a Big Splash! And show some replays of RVD getting the crap beat out of him.

And we are out. Looks like someone realized that fans were no longer buying into Bob Holly as a face, and decided to move him back into a heel role ASAP. I am down with that; Holly should be a heel in ECW. He fits in perfectly with Heyman's stable. I do think that we need to have someone trustworthy in RVD's corner next week ('allo Sabu, anyone?), though.  ¶ 11:04 PM 0 comments

  ECW - October 31, 2006 So according to the news from Scaia (and possibly other websites, but I only frequent OO, so I wouldn't know), there are major changes upcoming for ECW. The already watered down ECW is on its way to being castrated, too. And I can't help feeling ambivalent about the whole damned thing. The alleged creative team have done a horrible job with ECW so far. Every time there's been something good developing, the next week its gone (e.g. F.B.I., Tommy Dreamer getting tossed around by the Big Show, Sandman's push towards the ECW Championship).

Not that the new ECW hasn't been plagued with bad luck. First their champ and the man they built the new ECW around gets caught carrying marijuana. Then the next logical choice, Kurt Angle, starts wigging out. The man who basically carries the promotion for the next three months, Big Show, gets injured and has to have his work load cut way back. One could almost say that the new ECW has been cursed almost from the very start.

And maybe that's the way it should be. Maybe we need ECW to fail, to show Vince McMahon that all that he touches is not gold. Though one would think that Vince would've learned that by now (see WBF, XFL, The Marine... Umm, no, wait, actually don'tsee that last one).

Anyway, the new ECW brought us a few good things (Rob Van Dam's first world championship, Sabu's emergence as comeback wrestler of the year, a very brief glimpse of Bad Ass Kurt Angle, CM Punk's amazing popularity, Arial's b00bies), and it inspired a bit of nostalgia. And it got people like Sandman and Sabu back on our tvs in the ring, right where they should be.

Will things change here? Probably not so much. I tend to go pretty easy on ECW as it is, mainly due to nostalgia. I probably won't change that very much. I'll just be less invested in the product. Maybe that'll make me more objective, too, which isn't a bad thing.

Okay, enough babbling. Let's get to the show!

• Actually, let's get to a quick video package of last week's show. Either my contact lenses are very dirty, or they've added in some graininess to these clips in post-production. And they do a very good job of hiding how sloppy that "hurricarana" to take Show out of the ring at the end of the match was.
• HEY! Paul Heyman stole Bobby Heenan's suit jacket! Paul's here to announce that Rob Van Dam isn't getting a straight-up title shot against the hobbled Big Show. Instead, there's going to be an elimination chamber match for the title. WTF? You got Raw in my ECW!
• oooOOOooo... Arial's b00bies! Oh, and Kevin Thorn is in there too, I guess. Who's he going up against tonight?
• SABU! Sabu and Thorn aren't quite on the same track, but there's a nice spot where Sabu tries his springboard DDT, but Thorn caught him and powerbombed him. Sabu tries some old-school rhythmic stomping to get the crowd fired up, and it sorta worked! It gave Sabu enough energy to hit a a series of springboard moves (leg lariat, clothesline, dropkick). Sabu got distracted by b00bies, allowing Thorn a hope spot. Sabu breaks that up with a springboard DDT! That is one of my favorite moves in wrestling! Sabu with a spinning over-the-top-rope guillotine legdrop, then locks in the camel clutch! Taz pings out that's in reverence to the Original Sheik, which is pretty cool. Thorn taps out. Holy crap, an actual clean finish to a match? SABU POINTS TO THE SKY!
• Wow, who gave Rebecca some hash before giving her a microphone? Seriously, could she be more bored? She tries to interview Sandman, but for some reason a clown walks through. Sandman laughs, then canes the crap out of him, laughin while he does so. Rebecca's freaking out, so Sandman tries to reassure her with "Are you okay girl? Oh, that? I hate clowns. Even on Halloween!" Ummm...
• More crap about The Marine. Interesting that.... Well, no, there really isn't anything interesting about this. Let's move on.
• Daivari? Huh? Oh dear lord no, it's the Great Kahli. WTF! What the fucking fuck?
• SERIOUSLY! WHAT THE FUCK!!!
• Oh, there's a match here. Shannon Moore tries to keep his eyes on Kahli, allowing Daivari to get in a cheap shot and take control for most of the match. Actually, that's not a bad thing. Daivari is pretty good in the ring, and Moore helped make him look great. Too bad the crowd was never into this match. Daivari wins, I yawn.
• Rebecca and RVD? Maybe they did a J in the back. Both are a little too mellow, if you catch my drift. RVD forgets that he was in the original elimination chamber match while he was on Raw, but says "I don't know what that is, but I think it sounds like something I'll be good at."
• Ugh. ECW Diva Halloween Costume Contest. Do you think there's anyway that I'm gonna recap that?
• Aw, crap, I guess I do have to recap the end. Kelly Kelly's costume is a CM Punk costume. Mike Knox decides he doesn't like this very much, and comes out to complain. CM Punk comes to the rescue, of course, and rather easily tosses Knox. CM Punk likes Kelly's costume, needless to say. The question is: is Kelly really enamored with CM Punk? Or is this all a setup? If I were writing this, it'd be the latter. But with the current Big Brains behind the show, I've gotta guess the answer is, "ummm.... next week? we're too busy writing this week's episode to think of what happens next week."
• Wait, you mean that damned Cyber Sunday PPV wasn't this past weekend? I still have another week's worth of advertising to sit through? WTF?
• Oh, joy, Mike Knox is challenging CM Punk to a match next week. Knox helpfully points directly to his noggin' as he says, "you'll have to face me, Mike Knox." Bleh!
• Our main event is... crap, basically. RVD and Bob Holly -vs- Show and Test.
• Test? WTF?
• Show lumbers down to the ring, and he does not look like he is feeling well tonight. I am predicting a whole lotta Test in this match. And Test does start out, bringing the power. RVD brings the wackiness. The combination is actually fairly entertaining, but then Rob decides to tag in Bob. That's not as entertaining as, say, the "Big Show Sucks" chant thundering from the crowd. We have Show and RVD over with the crowd, while Test and Bob Holly cannot beg a cheer. Yeah, that sounds just about right.
• I sorta stopped paying attention to the match there. RVD apparently tagged back into the match somewhere along there, then hits a cool leg drop off the ropes. And let the sloppiness begin, as Test seems to keep losing track of where he is in the ring.
• Well, I guess that, if you have to have an ECW wrestler on Ghost Hunters, CM Punk is a better choice than, say, Shelton Benjamin.
• Back to the match, RVD and Test are both winded. Big Show hasn't been tagged in yet, as expected. But did I really think that these two were being entertaining together? Strike that, reverse it. But don't tag Bob in! Here comes Show, too! Let's see how long the big guy can hack the pain. Show and Holly get into a chopping match (which Show wins), then Show drops an elbow. Ouch! Show's already been in there about 10 times longer than I would be able to handle in his place.
• I guess that CM Punk is a better choice than, say, Balls Mahoney.
• Holly and Test slow things down to a crawl before Show finally tags back in. Couldn't we have had someone a little more entertaining than Test be Show's partner? I mean, I understand why Holly is in here (push him as hard as possible while he still has sympathy good will from the fans), but Test?
• I guess that CM Punk is a better choice than, say, Mike Knox.
• Finally, RVD's back into the match! RVD clears the ring. RVD with Rolling Thunder on the champ. Save by Test. Champ hits Snake Eyes on RVD. Test takes out the ref, then eats an Alabama Slam. Show takes out Holly, but eats a top-rope sidekick by RVD. RVD reverses Show into the steel ringpost on the floor, but then gets clobbered upside the back of his head by a baton-wielding gorilla (this was a Halloween show, after all). Hmmm... Basham or Heyman? The chokeslam and pin are academic, after which the gorilla peels off his mask to reveal Paul Heyman.
• I guess that CM Punk is a better choice than, say, a guy in a gorilla suit.
• Oh, that's the end of the show! Thank god. I mean, "oh, darn."

Hmm... this was not a very good episode of ECW at all. Boring, nonsensical, and for some reason, the "Great" Khali was on my TV screen. Add that all up, and you get one very bored Biffster.  ¶ 9:40 PM 0 comments

  ECW - October 24, 2006 Well, here I am again, after missing three weeks of ECW in a row. This wasn't really by choice: I was on vacation for one of the weeks, the next week my TiVo didn't record ECW for some reason, and last week I was travelling for business. I actually did watch last week's ECW, but I didn't recap it. And what did I miss while I was gone?

Well, not much, actually. All feuds are on slow-simmer. Rob Van Dam has clawed his way back into the #1 contender position. Mike Knox and CM Punk are gonna eventually have some type of feud. Sandman is still paired up with Matt Striker. Sabu got jostled down the card for some reason. Bob Holly is being pushed to the sky as a face (wtf?) to capitalize on his gritty performance while his back was ripped open against RVD. Yay for Holly, I guess, but I am already tiring of him. Tough, yes. Interesting? Not so much.

I guess that's enough setup. Let's get to tonight's show!

• And we start out with... a recap of last week's match between RVD and Big Show. The ref shot from last week was really, really weak. The Five Star Frogsplash wasn't, though. Nor were the cheers from the crowd after RVD's (rather obvious) victory. I reckon we'll hear more about this laster in the program.
• Or right now, as Van Dam is on his way to the ring. That's a way to get things of to a fast start. There's problems with the audio tonight, so it's hard to make out exactly what RVD is saying, other than he wants to know when he gets his title shot.
• It's Heyman and his Security Force! Paul has the contract for the title match (fortunately, it has the word Contract in 72-point font on it, to make it easy to read on camera). One catch: RVD's gonna have to win a ladder match against Big Show to cash in on the title shot. Hmmm... Oh, the Security Force attacks RVD after Heyman shuts up, but RVD easily disposes of the Bashams (or whoever the hell it is under the masks. I no longer care, to tell the truth). Our main event is now set up!
• CM Punk is out next, and he's still getting a massive ovation. What is it about this guy that the crowd loves? Is it just that he has a unique look and style? Oh, no, wait, those're good things, and those're probably the exact reasons the crowd loves him.
• Punk's opponent... Matt Striker! Taz and Joey really want us to notice Striker's checkered wrestling trunks, so I reckon I'll mention them. Striker uses the steel ringpost to soften up Punk's arm and uses this to get about 30 seconds of offense in, then it's back to Punk dominating. Punk goes for the Urange, but Mike Knox finally gets physically involved with Punk. Well, if you can call Knox's anemic offense being physically involved. Punk knocks Knox out of the ring with a kick, and Knox decides to take a powder. Can't you feel the excitement?
• Me neither.
• Speaking about a lack of excitement, Test is on his way out to the ring. Taz says that Test is always in a bad mood, and I guess that is the attitude that Test is trying to exude. I think he just looks bored, personally. But battling Bob Holly should perk him up a little tonight. Can't you smell the non-decision?
• Holly all over Test 'til the battle spills to the ring floor. Holly's back looks amazingly non-scarred. Must just be the camera angle. Test starts in with the clubberin', but Holly ain't down with that, and takes control of the match back with one (1) clothesline out of the corner. Holly tying Test up in the ropes! There's something we don't see as much as we should.
• Oh! There's the scar! Yeah, that's nasty!
• HOLY SHIT! Suplex from the ring apron down to the floor! Didn't they learn that that was a bad idea when Bob's back was ripped open? That was just sick, absolutely sick! Amazingly, both men avoid injury, and both are back in the ring when we come back from commercial.
• Test in control and working over Holly's back. Irish whip goes awry: if this were an old-school ECW event, we'd be hearing a "YOU FUCKED UP!" chant. Alas, there's just a mild smattering of moans. Big response once Holly gets control back and plays up for the crowd. Which just proves that pushing Holly for all he's worth right now is a good idea, I guess. Test crotched on the top turnbuckle (Ouchie!). Holly pulls a page out of Beautiful Bobby Eaton's book with a legdrop off the top rope. Duelling blocked finishers. Test with a roll-up, and I'll be damned, I was wrong. Test with a fist full of trunks to get the pin on Holly. Long match, but it pretty much rocked all the way through.
• Test isn't happy with his cheap victory, so he grabs a chair and beats the tar out of Holly with it. Is anyone going to come to Holly's rescue? Maybe John Cena in TheMarine. Or something like that. WTF?
• Sandman speaks! Heh... "I've beaten up plenty of Samoans in bars in my life." Beer bash! Second heh: "I'm the Sandman, and I approved this message."
• It's our main event! I still dunno what to think of having the stipulations of last week's match null and void. On the one hand, this match should kick all kinds of ass tonight. On the other hand, talk about bait-and-switch! I can only assume that this is to keep the belt on Show through the PPV this Sunday, then allow the opportunity to move the title off Show (giving him time to heal up) the next week.
• Show's a comedian! RVD brings a ladder into the ring, Show kicks it out then gives a smirking "I don't think so" gesture. RVD then goes apeshit, hitting Show with a variety of moves, including a scary looking legdrop with Show draped over the top rope. RVD brings another ladder into the ring, but Show takes the advantage with a headbutt to the back of RVD's noggin. Irish whip into the ladder, and RVD's in trouble. Show setting up the ladder... oh, no, he's using the ladder to swing at the contract! That looked pretty cool. RVD with a ladder to Show's gut, then to Show's head. Van Daminator using a ladder instead of a chair! Rolling Thunder with a ladder instead of a chair! RVD and Show are both down.
• RVD climbling, and there's our obligatory "knock the dude off the ladder" spot. RVD goes throat-first into the top rope, and rebounds back into the ring. Show is wearing a 1/8th crimson mask. I don't think that's even a 0.125 Muta... Show uses the ladder to regain the advantage, but gets taken down by a Scintillating Spear. Show's gonna try a splash off the second rope onto the ladder. RVD moves, Show actually came down on his feet, then gently fell on top of the ladder. 10 points for the idea, minus a hundred thousand for execution. RVD tries to capitalize, but there's a chokeslam! Show has the ladder set up! But RVD leapfrogs it, and theoretically lands onto Show in the perfect position for a hurricarana, and theoretically hurricuranas Show over the top rope out onto the floor. I say hypothetically, 'cuz that was one fucking sloppy spot. RVD ended up going over the top rope and to the floor by himself, with Show following two seconds later. Either Show is really hurting, or timing is off big-time between the two of them tonight. Either way, RVD gets back into the ring all by his lonesome, scales the ladder, and reaffirms his #1 Contender status. Show seems more than a little upset, though we'll never know if it's because RVD won or the match was so sloppy.

And we're out! A couple of good matches, a couple of squashes. All in all, it was a pretty good show. Holy crap, was that Eric Bischoff I just saw on my TV? I guess I should tune into Raw every now and .... Actually, no, I have better things to do with my Monday nights.

Anyway, I am OUT!  ¶ 9:46 PM 0 comments