ECW - October 31, 2006 So according to the news from Scaia (and possibly other websites, but I only frequent OO, so I wouldn't know), there are major changes upcoming for ECW. The already watered down ECW is on its way to being castrated, too. And I can't help feeling ambivalent about the whole damned thing. The alleged creative team have done a horrible job with ECW so far. Every time there's been something good developing, the next week its gone (e.g. F.B.I., Tommy Dreamer getting tossed around by the Big Show, Sandman's push towards the ECW Championship).

Not that the new ECW hasn't been plagued with bad luck. First their champ and the man they built the new ECW around gets caught carrying marijuana. Then the next logical choice, Kurt Angle, starts wigging out. The man who basically carries the promotion for the next three months, Big Show, gets injured and has to have his work load cut way back. One could almost say that the new ECW has been cursed almost from the very start.

And maybe that's the way it should be. Maybe we need ECW to fail, to show Vince McMahon that all that he touches is not gold. Though one would think that Vince would've learned that by now (see WBF, XFL, The Marine... Umm, no, wait, actually don'tsee that last one).

Anyway, the new ECW brought us a few good things (Rob Van Dam's first world championship, Sabu's emergence as comeback wrestler of the year, a very brief glimpse of Bad Ass Kurt Angle, CM Punk's amazing popularity, Arial's b00bies), and it inspired a bit of nostalgia. And it got people like Sandman and Sabu back on our tvs in the ring, right where they should be.

Will things change here? Probably not so much. I tend to go pretty easy on ECW as it is, mainly due to nostalgia. I probably won't change that very much. I'll just be less invested in the product. Maybe that'll make me more objective, too, which isn't a bad thing.

Okay, enough babbling. Let's get to the show!

• Actually, let's get to a quick video package of last week's show. Either my contact lenses are very dirty, or they've added in some graininess to these clips in post-production. And they do a very good job of hiding how sloppy that "hurricarana" to take Show out of the ring at the end of the match was.
• HEY! Paul Heyman stole Bobby Heenan's suit jacket! Paul's here to announce that Rob Van Dam isn't getting a straight-up title shot against the hobbled Big Show. Instead, there's going to be an elimination chamber match for the title. WTF? You got Raw in my ECW!
• oooOOOooo... Arial's b00bies! Oh, and Kevin Thorn is in there too, I guess. Who's he going up against tonight?
• SABU! Sabu and Thorn aren't quite on the same track, but there's a nice spot where Sabu tries his springboard DDT, but Thorn caught him and powerbombed him. Sabu tries some old-school rhythmic stomping to get the crowd fired up, and it sorta worked! It gave Sabu enough energy to hit a a series of springboard moves (leg lariat, clothesline, dropkick). Sabu got distracted by b00bies, allowing Thorn a hope spot. Sabu breaks that up with a springboard DDT! That is one of my favorite moves in wrestling! Sabu with a spinning over-the-top-rope guillotine legdrop, then locks in the camel clutch! Taz pings out that's in reverence to the Original Sheik, which is pretty cool. Thorn taps out. Holy crap, an actual clean finish to a match? SABU POINTS TO THE SKY!
• Wow, who gave Rebecca some hash before giving her a microphone? Seriously, could she be more bored? She tries to interview Sandman, but for some reason a clown walks through. Sandman laughs, then canes the crap out of him, laughin while he does so. Rebecca's freaking out, so Sandman tries to reassure her with "Are you okay girl? Oh, that? I hate clowns. Even on Halloween!" Ummm...
• More crap about The Marine. Interesting that.... Well, no, there really isn't anything interesting about this. Let's move on.
• Daivari? Huh? Oh dear lord no, it's the Great Kahli. WTF! What the fucking fuck?
• SERIOUSLY! WHAT THE FUCK!!!
• Oh, there's a match here. Shannon Moore tries to keep his eyes on Kahli, allowing Daivari to get in a cheap shot and take control for most of the match. Actually, that's not a bad thing. Daivari is pretty good in the ring, and Moore helped make him look great. Too bad the crowd was never into this match. Daivari wins, I yawn.
• Rebecca and RVD? Maybe they did a J in the back. Both are a little too mellow, if you catch my drift. RVD forgets that he was in the original elimination chamber match while he was on Raw, but says "I don't know what that is, but I think it sounds like something I'll be good at."
• Ugh. ECW Diva Halloween Costume Contest. Do you think there's anyway that I'm gonna recap that?
• Aw, crap, I guess I do have to recap the end. Kelly Kelly's costume is a CM Punk costume. Mike Knox decides he doesn't like this very much, and comes out to complain. CM Punk comes to the rescue, of course, and rather easily tosses Knox. CM Punk likes Kelly's costume, needless to say. The question is: is Kelly really enamored with CM Punk? Or is this all a setup? If I were writing this, it'd be the latter. But with the current Big Brains behind the show, I've gotta guess the answer is, "ummm.... next week? we're too busy writing this week's episode to think of what happens next week."
• Wait, you mean that damned Cyber Sunday PPV wasn't this past weekend? I still have another week's worth of advertising to sit through? WTF?
• Oh, joy, Mike Knox is challenging CM Punk to a match next week. Knox helpfully points directly to his noggin' as he says, "you'll have to face me, Mike Knox." Bleh!
• Our main event is... crap, basically. RVD and Bob Holly -vs- Show and Test.
• Test? WTF?
• Show lumbers down to the ring, and he does not look like he is feeling well tonight. I am predicting a whole lotta Test in this match. And Test does start out, bringing the power. RVD brings the wackiness. The combination is actually fairly entertaining, but then Rob decides to tag in Bob. That's not as entertaining as, say, the "Big Show Sucks" chant thundering from the crowd. We have Show and RVD over with the crowd, while Test and Bob Holly cannot beg a cheer. Yeah, that sounds just about right.
• I sorta stopped paying attention to the match there. RVD apparently tagged back into the match somewhere along there, then hits a cool leg drop off the ropes. And let the sloppiness begin, as Test seems to keep losing track of where he is in the ring.
• Well, I guess that, if you have to have an ECW wrestler on Ghost Hunters, CM Punk is a better choice than, say, Shelton Benjamin.
• Back to the match, RVD and Test are both winded. Big Show hasn't been tagged in yet, as expected. But did I really think that these two were being entertaining together? Strike that, reverse it. But don't tag Bob in! Here comes Show, too! Let's see how long the big guy can hack the pain. Show and Holly get into a chopping match (which Show wins), then Show drops an elbow. Ouch! Show's already been in there about 10 times longer than I would be able to handle in his place.
• I guess that CM Punk is a better choice than, say, Balls Mahoney.
• Holly and Test slow things down to a crawl before Show finally tags back in. Couldn't we have had someone a little more entertaining than Test be Show's partner? I mean, I understand why Holly is in here (push him as hard as possible while he still has sympathy good will from the fans), but Test?
• I guess that CM Punk is a better choice than, say, Mike Knox.
• Finally, RVD's back into the match! RVD clears the ring. RVD with Rolling Thunder on the champ. Save by Test. Champ hits Snake Eyes on RVD. Test takes out the ref, then eats an Alabama Slam. Show takes out Holly, but eats a top-rope sidekick by RVD. RVD reverses Show into the steel ringpost on the floor, but then gets clobbered upside the back of his head by a baton-wielding gorilla (this was a Halloween show, after all). Hmmm... Basham or Heyman? The chokeslam and pin are academic, after which the gorilla peels off his mask to reveal Paul Heyman.
• I guess that CM Punk is a better choice than, say, a guy in a gorilla suit.
• Oh, that's the end of the show! Thank god. I mean, "oh, darn."

Hmm... this was not a very good episode of ECW at all. Boring, nonsensical, and for some reason, the "Great" Khali was on my TV screen. Add that all up, and you get one very bored Biffster.  ¶ 9:40 PM