ECW - November 6, 2006 I am going to be short and to the point this week. I am actually watching election returns on picture-in-picture, and may be switching back and forth during my recap. So far, things have gone very well tonight. The Democratic party has taken control of the House of Representatives, and here in Colorado, Bill Ritter has been elected Governor. Unfortunately, we've also seen a horrible bill "defining" marriage as a union between a man and a woman passed. Just as bad, a bill legalizing civil unions was defeated. I dunno what to say, other than: Damn!

Is there wrestling stuff going on? Guess it depends on how you define that. There was some kind of Pay-Per-View on Sunday, but it really didn't amount to much, nor were there any ECW storylines set up. And, for some ungodly reason, Kevin Federline was involved. Add that all up, and you get one big, stinkin' pile of something or other. It really makes me grump just to think about it. So I'll stop, and move on to tonight's show.

• And we start off by recapping the Bob Holly saga, which segues nicely into RVD's beatdown and Heyman's gorilla suit from last week. No, it wasn't that good then, either. Oh, well. maybe this is leading off as a way to give us hope that this week has to be better.
• CM Punk is in the ring, and it still surprises me every week how big a reaction he gets. The crowd may not know exactly what they're supposed to get from ECW, but they know that they likes the Punkster. And they also know that they don't like Mike Knox sending Kelly Kelly away from the ring.
• Hey, wait a minute, I just realized something: we're seeing Knox -vs- Punk. I thought that this match would've been saved for the PPV. Someone must really want Punk in the Elimination Chamber.
• Knox doesn't know how to deal with someone as fast as Punk, and ends up being tossed around the ring for the first minute or two of the match. Knox doesn't regain control until he is able to yank Punk off the top rope. Knox with a whole bunch of big, not-very-talented big-man offense. Punk speeds his way out of it and starts to hit his series of moves, but Knox has that scouted and takes Punk out with a... oh, let's say reverse neckbreaker? Knox with control for a bit, but then makes the mistake of putting Punk up on the top rope. Flying press from Punk gets two, then the spinning backhands, series of kicks, Uranage and Anaconda Vice for the submission. Again, kudos for a clean victory, but Punk might think about mixing up his Five Moves of Doom.
• What's-her-name, the chick who always sounds like she's been toking some hash - introduces two more new ECW stars, Elijah Burke and Sylvan Turkay (don't bother correcting me on the name; I really couldn't care what the dude's name really is). My question is: who gives a crap? There's a bunch of ECW stars sitting on the bench, but we get these WWE rejects? Fuck me, dude.
• Oh, here's Paul Heyman! He announces our main event tonight: RVD and Bob Holly -vs- Big Show and ... Paul Heyman? I didn't expect that! I always like to be surprised by a show; this is shaping up nicely. Paul has one more announcement: the sixth spot in the Elimination Chamber will be up for anyone who wants it, be they from ECW, Raw or Smackdown. Eh.
• Hey, the F.B.I.! Well, Little Guido, anyway. Okay, I am officially happy with this episode. And that lasted for about 15 seconds, 'cuz the Great Kahli is on its way out to the ring. Daiviari is on the mic, and what's cooler than having him come down to the ring cutting a promo in a language that no one in the arena understands?
• Daivari tries to sucker-punch Guido, but Guido had that scouted. Doesn't matter, though; Daivari takes control rather easily. And then serves up a heapin' helpin' of SQUASH! Hmmm.... is it better for Guido to be on the show but be squashed, or not to be on the show at all?
• I wonder if Joey Styles or Taz cry a little inside when they have to say the word "Extremist?"
• Coming up next: Dreamer -vs- Test. And I've gotta already call this match for Test. Dreamer wouldn't really allow himself to be put over in this match, would he? Unless we're about to see a run-in, say by Bob Holly?
• I wonder if Joey Styles or Taz cry a little inside when they have to find something nice to say about The Marine?
• Test comes out trying to look angry, but not quite getting it. Tommy Dreamer comes out and shows him how it is done. Dreamer needs to be on my TV more often. I know that he has other responsibilities, and probably should take it easy on his body. But he is so good at what he does! Dreamer personifies ECW more than anyone else on the roster, including RVD and - in his current on-screen character - Paul Heyman.
• Dreamer does what he does best: makes Test look like a million dollars. Test going for a pump-handle slam, Dreamer sneaks out the back door and hits a neckbreaker! Dreamer with a 'bomb! Dreamer going for a DDT, but Test gets the ropes, then hits a low blow. Kick to the face, and then the swinging neckbreaker to get the pin for Test.
• Kudos to Tommy for once again putting Test over. 'Drew owes Tommy dinner or something for this one!
• So the lineup for the Elimination Chamber is: Show -vs- RVD -vs- Sabu -vs- Punk -vs- Test -vs- ??? I'm afraid to see who's gonna make the jump from Raw/Smackdown for the last spot. I somehow doubt it'd be someone who will fit in (say, Chavo Guerrero or Super Crazy).
• Main event time! Show jawing with Rob Van Dam ("You'll never be champion!"), so RVD just slaps him one. Back and forth until RVD makes his way to the corner and grabs Heyman by the throat! That's enough distraction for Show to take advantage of, though. Interesting idea for this match, but it means that an injured Show has to try to carry the match. Is that the best way to go?
• And the answer is, of course, no. Boring match, as Show can't do much but lumber around the ring, and RVD has to play face-in-peril. Heyman gives a pep talk to show, but it doesn't speed him up very much. Paul relishes a "Heyman sucks!" chant, then slaps the crap out of RVD while Show holds onto him. Show tries a splash in the corner, but RVD moves! Show crotches himself on the top rope! Show goes for a chokeslam, but RVD counters into a DDT.
• Tag to Bob Holly, who then proceeds to beat the crap out of RVD! Now that was pretty cool! I just wish it had happened about 5 minutes ago. Alabama Slam on a steel chair by Holly! Big Show with a Big Splash! And show some replays of RVD getting the crap beat out of him.

And we are out. Looks like someone realized that fans were no longer buying into Bob Holly as a face, and decided to move him back into a heel role ASAP. I am down with that; Holly should be a heel in ECW. He fits in perfectly with Heyman's stable. I do think that we need to have someone trustworthy in RVD's corner next week ('allo Sabu, anyone?), though.  ¶ 11:04 PM